transplant

Parker has a stuffed rabbit that he has loved on since he was less than a year old. I think we are on version 3. (I bought 2 extra when I figured out how important they were going to be). "Rabbie" is his name and he is Parker's best friend. Parker loves to rub the silky tag between his fingers when he's trying to fall asleep. Rabbie was bright green a few years ago but he has now faded to a grayish, greenish, brownish color and no amount of frequent washings seem to help. His stuffing has all settled into one location so he's mostly fabric now. Well, yesterday morning Parker brought to pieces of gray fabric to me, I thought it was trash at first but it was Rabbie's tags. They had finally fallen off. He was heartbroken and wanted them glued back on. My mom was there (she is a master seamstress) and she agreed that it looked like these tags had bit the dust for sure. But then she had the brilliant idea of finding a different animal with a similar silky tag (in case you haven't examined stuffed animal tags, they are not all the same). So we searched through Parker's room and found one. It took awhile as I discovered that there were a couple other animals that had shredded tags from extra loving. Grandma took that tag off and put it on Rabbie. So now Rabbie has a bright new tag on his little bottom. And so far his new transplant shows no signs of rejection. The surgical site is secure and clean. Parker cuddled with him on the couch last night and all is well. But I do think it is time to read the Velveteen Rabbit again.

living in the present

One of my co-workers passed away this week in a terrible motorcycle accident. She was much too young and vibrant. She was on her way to lunch with her husband. Her passion for our work at Clinica and her family impressed me. It makes me stop and think about life again. It's a lesson I have learned and relearned many times but it's the reality of this life, how short and how fragile it is. It reminds me to live in the moment, to seize the day, and feel fully whatever it is that today brings.


So today, I took my son to the pool. We swam and laughed, I ignored how cold I was when we had to get back out to climb the stairs to the slide for the 20th time. I went down the big slide by myself and felt the water rush around me. I stopped to listen to the sounds of children splashing in the pool. I let Parker be in charge of what we did next. It was fun to live in his world for a few hours.


I held Eden until she fell asleep and then a little longer, ignoring the toys that needed picking up. I am so glad we didn't wait to adopt. That we didn't wait until we were wealthier, had more time on our hands, or until the kids were older. She is here now and when I feel the weight of her in my arms I am reminded of how empty they were before.


Bella went to the pool with a friend today and when she got home I laid on the floor with her and watched Eden play and asked to hear all about her day.

I listened to Duane play with the kids and felt incredibly grateful for their laughter. I enjoyed the afternoon rain shower and the sunset after that. I let today be enough. I put off the worry about my future, the regrets from my past and let the fullness of today be sufficient. I am blessed beyond measure by this moment, each of them.

learning

In some ways it's really different parenting little Eden. In most ways it's the same as my other kids but there are a few things that we do differently that remind me that her life circumstances have been very different.

We noticed early on that she doesn't cry much. This is great in many ways but then we realize it is also easy to overlook her needs if we aren't paying attention. With my first baby I was surprised at how much babies cry...I hadn't realized it was so often but with Eden I am often surprised when she doesn't cry. Don't get me wrong, she does cry and has let us know on occasion when she's ticked off but it's just infrequent. When she's hungry or needs a diaper change she'll start fussing at us but it isn't really a cry until she's really uncomfortable. One thing I've noticed is that when she's overwhelmed or overstimulated she doesn't really let us know. We have to pay attention for her subtle clues. Often it's the way she looks away and won't engage with a new person that let's me know she's ready for mom or dad to show up. She does great with new people and doesn't seem to mind being passed around and always wants to smile at them and try to engage but after awhile she's all done. I've also noticed her gross motor movements increase when she's overstimulated. When I pick her up she seems to settle down. It's these little things that remind me that she hasn't had the opportunity to have parents at her disposal. Even with a nanny ratio of 6:1 she still had to wait her turn and probably didn't learn that she could cry and get what she needed. So we try to pay attention and hope that we can teach her that we'll respond to her needs as soon as possible. We hold her more and help her settle herself in our arms rather than by herself. Little by little we're learning together.